Lamb's Funny Little Shorts: Harry Potter
by LambSam
Summary: Random Little Shorts. Now Presenting: Caught on Film part one:Lupin finds Madeye in a tutu.
1. Dark Lord answering machine

Lamb: This is my answer to the challenge for The Dark Lord's answering machine. Well my real one. Someone post the unfinished one up earlier.

Sirius: What is an answering machine?

Lamb: It is a muggle thing.

**The Dark Lord's Answering Machine**

**The Dark Lord gets an answering machine!**

Snape walk into the room where Wormtail was making a top secret project to destroy Potter. Oh how much he hated Potter. Snape wished since Potter was born he would die in a painful way. Like how Snape's flying blue dog got chopped in half by the train.

Snape look at the shiny, glittery machine on the table. 'Wait that …' He twitched then turn to Wormtail, growling "What the $$ is a muggles answering machine doing here?"

"The D…Dark L…L…Lord Thought we need an easier way to talk to each other," told Wormtail, flinching away from Snape.

"But what about the melleyphone?" ask Snape.

"Don't you mean telephone?" Wormtail whimpered as he finishes up, "I set it up, now we wait for the D…Dark Lord."

Voldemort came in," Did you set it up?" he ask in a way you think it was a threat.

"Yes my lord. It is ready." said Wormtail, as he throw himself on the ground and kiss Voldemort's robes.

"Turn it on. " Wormtail stood up and turn it on. "You have reached the Dark Lord's hideout…

If you know where Potter is press1…

If you know what was in the prophecy Press 2

If you are a muggle and ready to die Press 3

Please leave a massage now if it is something else.

beep

…. Now we wait." He said evilly. Five minute later the thing picks up a caller. "Crazy people these days, you're not normal. Are you a... a you- know- what... (In the back ground a voice is saying Uncle Vernon) What boy? No, it not any of those order weird-o. beep"

Voldemort turn to Snape, "Snape find that D& Muggle. I want his head for dinner!" Snape tried to but he never could. He got punish mercilessly but not killed.

**Ron Counter**

Ron dialed the wrong number again on the fellyphone. He was about to hang up when this came on:

BEEPHello…hello… Snape is this on… Sor… Wait, I don't have say the s-word, since I will one day take over the world (mhahahahaha). This is The Dark Lord speaking. If you are talking on this then you must be one of my followers. Nott, be sure you bring the You-know-What. Leave a massage after the Beep. If you're not one of my Followers then you will suffer a painful death, like Black did. Beep  
Ron, laughing, said, "Is this a joke? You _can't_ be Moldy Voldy."

Riddle's House- same Day Voldemort was waiting for a call. As much as hate to say, he likes the muggle machine.

Even if that Muggle insult him. Well he had try to punish him except Snape could not find that DARN Muggle. Maybe Bella was right about him being the spy, even if Snape killed Dumbledore.

Voldemort also like to change his massage every day, though that day was stupid, he almost said the s-word. That word was forbidden to all DE. That moment the answer machine came on.

BEEP"Hello…hello… Snape is this on… Sor… Wait, I don't have say the s-word, since I will one day take over the world (mhahahahaha). This is The Dark Lord speaking. If you are talking on this then you must be one of my followers. Nott, be sure you bring the You-know-What. Leave a massage after the Beep. If you're not one of my Followers then you will suffer a painful death, like Black did. Beep

Voldemort flinched at the massage then turn a shade of red that was same as his eyes.

A child voice came on and said while giggling, "Is this a joke? You _can't _be Moldy Voldy." Then the brat had the nerve to hang up without another word.

He should there plotting his revenged. Oh… when he gets his hands on the darn brat, 8…no…10 almost death will not show how he hates to be called Moldy Voldy.

He let out one of his evil laughs.

The next day Ron almost got ran over, but Moldy Voldy could not find him.

**Lupin finds out**

Lupin shout at everyone, "Does anyone what pizza? I know a great pizza place."

Everyone who was at headquarters shouted "Yes. Please don't let the twins cook again."

Lupin called 222-6782 only he put a 5 instead of a 6.

What came on was this. "Welcome to Voldy hot-line, the line for my friends contact Voldy ( aka The Dark Lord). Sorry I'm out for ice cream now. Please leave a massage for me, Voldy."

Lupin hangs up and shouted "Twins get down here. What did you guys did to the phone?"

The twins arrive and said "But we didn't do anything to the fellyphone."

But as they were the only one who could, no one believes them.

**Cross-over**

Voldemort was by his machine when the phone rang. His massage came on;

"Welcome to the Dark Lord's machine. The only way you got this number if you were one of my loyal Death Eater. If you are not then bow. 'Cause I'm in the middle of taking over the world. MHAHAHAHAHA (Snape voice in the background) Snape don't talk to me. Leave a massage."

A small voice with a heavy accent spoke, "em… sorry I got the wrong…"

Then the voice became evil, "Mhahahahaha… are you nuts? I'm the only one who can take over the world."

A voice behind him say, "Tomb robber, who are you talking to?"

The evil voice said, "Somebody who said they are taking over the world. Any way there is no way you could take over the world because anyone can pretend to be a 'Dark Emperor' and have "Dearth Vader". That so Star Wars. Maybe even like Malik and his Rare Hunters. So stop saying you're going you are going to rule the world."

"Bakura, hurry up. You are using all my time."

"Shut it Kaiba. Bye Baka."

The first voice return, "…number. Huh where did time go? Oh wait evil sprit. Sorry if my em… friend (bunch voice laugh) insult you." And the man hangs up.

Bella, who was the first one who enter the room after the massage, was force for the people but of course she couldnot find them. After all, they are in Japan.

Lamb: Not my best work but I hope you enjoy this.

Sirius: HAHA. Snape got punish by Voldemort. HAHAHAHA

Lamb: Do you want to go back to veil, Sirius?

Sirius: … No why?

Lamb: Because I LIKE Snape!

Sirius: You do? But he is an oily, old bat.

Lamb: Please review.


	2. Threesome

Lacey: This is for all my reviewers.

Sirius: She wants me to do reviews.

Drakey-Lover Sorry I hope you found my 2nd form better.

Starvingartist and Dream Phantom Thanks. I change around the form and put the 2nd story in front.

The phantom Grammar teacher I'm sorry about my grammar but my sister put it up early. I do know the English Language but I am from one of the states that has a bad record with grammer.

Akitoa.K.a.Kito Thank you. I love most of your stories and you review my story. I so happy. Thank you.

ChiliBob Thank you very much. I hope this form is funnier.

Dreamer's Wishes Thank you. I like that line myself.

Lamb: Thanks for the review.

Sirius: This pop up one day in the shower. No I was not in the shower I was breaking down the door to drag Lamb out.

* * *

**Threesome**

Ginny was about to open Ron's door when she heard a squeak. She put her ear by the door. This is what she heard.

"Ron, take off your robe," Said Hermione.

"Why do I have to?" mumble Ron.

"Just do it. Harry I didn't know you wear purple underwear. Plus my robe is in the pile," stated Hermione.

"So what if I have purple underwear? Ron, we did tell Hermione she was in charge," said Harry in a low voice.

"Fine, fine here it is," whisper Ron.

Then there was a thud and Hermione hissed "Harry, don't tilted the bed."

"Sorry," said Harry. "Hermione, this feels weird."

"I never thought we will do this," said Ron.

"I know… What do we do if someone walks in?" said Hermione.

"I guess we will make up a story," said Harry.

"They will not believe it. After all this is a very weird scene. Hermione, you're bleeding," Said Ron.

There was a sound of someone hitting a head. Ron shout," Ouch that hurt Hermione."

"Well you're the one who cause this who mess," Shout Hermione.

"Did not, Hermione!" shouted Ron.

"Did to!" shouted Hermione

"DID NOT"

"DID TO"

"DID NOT"

"DID TO"

"Shut up you two," snapped Harry. "Some one is going to come up to hear what is going on."

"Well, he did cause my bleeding. You can't say he didn't." snapped Hermione. "Good we are almost done."

Ginny decided she didn't want to hear any more. She walks down the stairs with a faint blush on her cheeks. Halfway down Lupin walk pass her heading up to Ron's room. She turns around and told him,"Professor you don't want to go up there."

"So your part of it, huh" said Lupin.

"No, I'm not." She snapped at him.

Lupin got to the door. She said," You really don't want to go in there."

Lupin ignore her and opens the door. He walks in and she follows him. The bed was under the window. Hermione was on the bed with a large cut on her head. Ron, without his robe on, was looking out at Harry. Harry was half way out of the window, holding a rope made from clothing. The three of them look like a deer in a headlight. Lupin sighed and shook his head.

"That is how you three where how going to escape? I not surprise. That is how Sirius and James use to do to sneak out. I came up here to tell the order change its mind and you three can go to Godric's Hollow. So, Harry get out of that window."

Lupin turns to leave but stops when Ginny said, "That what you were doing?"

* * *

Sirius (00): What was that?

Lamb: A thought that came up while I took a shower.

Sirius: That is so weird.

Lamb: Please write what you think they where doing.


	3. Caught of Film part one

Lamb: I am sorry if the last chapter insulted you. I thank Invaderk for reviewing. This takes place in the Half-Blood Prince so Dumbledore is alive.

Sirius: Lamb does not own Harry Potter.

**Caught on Film: Lupin**

Lupin POV:

Have you ever saw something that scares the hell out of you, something that scars your very mind. I have. It was a nice spring day when I was walk down to a store when I heard screams of fright. Being the nice guy I am, I went to investigated what the screaming was about. There the most frightening sight I ever and I mean ever saw.

First thought was WTF. The 2nd was EEEEEWWWWW. An old man in a pink tutu was dancing a ballet. No, even though that was scary, that not what scared me. No… It was the fact it was Mad-eye Moody. Yep. Mad-eye. All the sudden with a flash of light I remembered at the meeting Dumbledore was talking to Mad-Eye about a plan to kill Voldemort. This is what they talking about… they are planning to scare him to death. That's brilliant. Not. No Way

Then there was another flash. I look around and saw a boy about 15 or 16 photographing the horror. He had soft brown hair and hazel with gold in them. Then the smell of a were-wolf drifted into my nose. He turned his head and looked at me then grinned.

Then I noticed Mad-Eye was looking at me. So I turn and run. To this day Mad-Eye and I never talk about that day. Never, though the image sits in my mind.

* * *

Lamb: This is short but nice, right?

Sirius: NO! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Lamb: Something that pop in my mind. Just wait part two.

Sirius: NOOOOOOOO! You want to scar some more minds.

Lamb: Yep!


End file.
